/non-fiction/mostly narcissism- on fiction

I’ve never written fiction. And for the matter of the fact, I’m writing this post after a long time as a testimony of the lack of literary ideas or rigor that warns me about possibility of substandard work which I don’t expect from myself personally. But if I ever do write fiction, I want it to be a remainder of what fiction has the power to do: Change the way you see the world. I’ve to impress readers by getting them take my characters seriously as they ricochet from oddness to oddness. Hence, it proves that I’m a narcissist, an iconoclast, a Telugu cultural hero (villain to most) but in the literary world, I’d rather be called post-post-modernist who folds his own life and experiences into non-fiction(till now) as they were tabloids (or metafiction). There’s something Pychonian and Fellinisque about me but rather than swallowing the world, like Pychon does or drown it with details of surrealist escapades which transcends to the levels of Salvador Dali, I’ll make sure to let some light escape. And i'll end this with a confession, I have moments when my faith in fiction falters and then comes to edge of collapse. I find myself asking, "Am I really a believer?" and then, "Was I ever?" first to go are the disjointed, upended narratives of experimental fiction.